The official Sebastian Junger community
"Died For Nothing?"
I have a real problem when someone asks if our soldiers haven't died in vain. They're not really asking a question. They're stating their opinion. Their deceit deserves to be hauled onto the mat and given a good pummeling. First, because as they blithely state their opinion, someone in that room might have lost a loved one to war. Second, for them, war is an intellectual exercise rife with politics mixed with righteousness and morality.
Let me turn this around.
Someone gets cancer. They go through treatment, they die.
Was that a waste? Was that in vain? Who would say this to his grieving widow, his friends or family members?
Another example.
A kid walks to school. Gets hit by a bus and dies.
Would a person walk up to the parents and say, "Gee, I'm sorry you put so much time into loving him, into raising him. What a waste."
Pity the bastard who did.
Try this on:
A scholar with a distinguished career as a linguist gets Alzheimers.
Do you walk around saying, "If he was going to end this way, he shouldn't have gone to the bother of learning all those languages. What a waste."
The cynic with the shriveled heart just might. In fact, they might say all of the above. But those with a healthier state of mind have no buy-in to their warped and inflated sense of self.
The only real waste is if someone never takes a chance to do what they really want while they live.
Soldiers know the risks, and to an extent they're doing what they want.
An example.
My husband returned from Abad. Within 3 weeks, the higher ups phoned him and asked if he would go back in four months.*
I got this look on my face when he told me. Later that night, I asked our daughter what she thought.
"I think he really wants to go," she said.
Even she knows this is what he wants to be doing.
It's no exaggeration to say, they fight for something much bigger than themselves, which are exhibited in ideas, not tangibles. Freedom, opportunity, fear from violence. What they fight for now, isn't something they'll know the results of for years --sometimes decades. Yet, they are making a dent in the world, one which others choose to ignore.
When they die, it's tragic. It's sad and has long lasting effects for everyone who loved them, and especially for the children who will never have their guiding hand.
But is it a waste? No, it isn't. And we who love and support them understand this and will never see eye-to-eye with the armchair critics who think this way.
*They decided it was too soon. But he'll be going back again.
Let me turn this around.
Someone gets cancer. They go through treatment, they die.
Was that a waste? Was that in vain? Who would say this to his grieving widow, his friends or family members?
Another example.
A kid walks to school. Gets hit by a bus and dies.
Would a person walk up to the parents and say, "Gee, I'm sorry you put so much time into loving him, into raising him. What a waste."
Pity the bastard who did.
Try this on:
A scholar with a distinguished career as a linguist gets Alzheimers.
Do you walk around saying, "If he was going to end this way, he shouldn't have gone to the bother of learning all those languages. What a waste."
The cynic with the shriveled heart just might. In fact, they might say all of the above. But those with a healthier state of mind have no buy-in to their warped and inflated sense of self.
The only real waste is if someone never takes a chance to do what they really want while they live.
Soldiers know the risks, and to an extent they're doing what they want.
An example.
My husband returned from Abad. Within 3 weeks, the higher ups phoned him and asked if he would go back in four months.*
I got this look on my face when he told me. Later that night, I asked our daughter what she thought.
"I think he really wants to go," she said.
Even she knows this is what he wants to be doing.
It's no exaggeration to say, they fight for something much bigger than themselves, which are exhibited in ideas, not tangibles. Freedom, opportunity, fear from violence. What they fight for now, isn't something they'll know the results of for years --sometimes decades. Yet, they are making a dent in the world, one which others choose to ignore.
When they die, it's tragic. It's sad and has long lasting effects for everyone who loved them, and especially for the children who will never have their guiding hand.
But is it a waste? No, it isn't. And we who love and support them understand this and will never see eye-to-eye with the armchair critics who think this way.
*They decided it was too soon. But he'll be going back again.
Views: 1
-
Comment by mouse on May 24, 2010 at 11:34am -
Well, there's no "Like" button here, but I wanted it known that your post - at least in my view - is unfailingly logical, thorough, and ups my irritation factor with the general public (not a difficult thing to do on a good day.)
I am continually and consistently dumbfounded by the large faction of the American public who seem to consciously cultivate a self-centered, narrow-minded, and ignorant view of the world, and to the degree that it virtually becomes a pathology. The real annoyance is that these attitudes generally aren't borne out of deeply held (or researched) convictions. They are parroted from reactive propaganda and exist in packs, even if the messages are delivered by individuals, as in your previous post on being politically accosted in your own yard.
Furthermore, their logic is always vague: some asshole from some church or book club or coffee klatch or college bull session in some neighborhood starts loudly sharing an utterly uninformed opinion about the politics of war - culled entirely from sound bites - and the more profoundly ignorant listeners sponge up the rhetorical spittle and later pass it on to family friends as hard news. It's peer pressure in one of its most vulgar forms.
I go through life existing within my own personal space and addressing my personal responsibilities: continually striving to evolve to the high standards and rules I've developed for myself, impacting others as little as is humanly possible. That said, I'm offended on my own moral level by those who swagger through life with a far-reaching sense of entitlement: believing that their cell phone conversations are of mass interest, unconcerned that their shopping carts are abandoned mere feet away from the corral, loudly blowing their noses in restaurants, unwilling to clean up after themselves in any milieu, and, head firmly entrenched in ass, believing that any diseased thought they can blow past their vocal cords deserves the attention and acceptance of an audience.
I really enjoyed your post, Kanani; you're a cogent and thoughtful writer.
Katarina
-
Comment by Kanani Fong on May 24, 2010 at 12:20pm -
Thank you mouse (Katarina)!
I think all of us who live with spouses who serve understand that while we are a priority, we too have to take in the "living for the greater good" to heart. And I think after having met enough spouses (both men and women), that they do. It's an uneasy alliance --this co-existence with war, but we manage through it.
And so it does stun me when I come across the pack mentality whose thoughts are brought out to impale not only those we love, but also us instead. It is like receiving a punch to the gut and it ALWAYS happens when you are least expecting it.
It's one of the reasons I loved Sebastian's book. It crystallized the relationships that develop between those who serve together out on the battle line. There can be no denying that what happens out there during a time of war is everlasting, deep, and in many ways impenetrable by their husbands, wives and other loved ones back home. We can watch, but we don't always understand.
Sebastian and Tim give us a wonderful glimpse of that world.
-
Comment by mouse on May 24, 2010 at 7:00pm
-
I very much agree, Kanani. I loved reading about the deep commitment the men have to one another, the bond that exists regardless of the irrelevance of bothersome personality traits, going beyond camaraderie.
Jill (also a wonderful contributor to this site) was just telling me how she's read and re-read Sebastian's book and how rare that is for her. I just finished the book this morning and plan to read it again, as well as purchase the audiobook (which is happily unabridged and read by the author).
I found the manuscript so interesting and emotionally encompassing that I read the entire thing in a couple of long bursts without even realizing it; however, upon finding myself at the last 20 pages I slowed down. I read a few pages each day after that. Frankly, I just didn't want the adventure to end. I was afraid for how things might turn out - but optimistic - and definitely found myself experiencing a vicarious high of sorts simply reading about what these men go through. It isn't difficult in the least to understand how they themselves become hooked on the danger of combat life.
On the other hand, it's heartbreaking to hear stories about how that combat continues to grip them, long after the conflict is over or they've removed themselves from harm's way and are back on civilian ground. Sebastian definitely conveyed the terror many of the frontline soldiers feel at the prospect of failing to become "normal" again once home. The concept that war has ruined them for anything else is a terrible one, and certainly isn't something a soldier can plan for. It's a temper-tantrumy way to phrase it, but this sort of emotional fallout is so incredibly unfair.
Your reply to me made me wonder if there's been a definitive book published from a military wife's point of view. That would certainly be illuminating and educational for people who don't understand that just because husbands and boyfriends come home breathing, doesn't always mean everything is A-OK. I was struck by your thoughts on the families of heroes "living for the greater good", as you put it. This is yet one more immensely important aspect of military life of which most people, I believe, are unaware. The families are also the heroes, the sacrificers, the casualties. And when that can be fully understood by the America public, maybe you all will begin to be shown the respect you deserve, even if that means only that the loud and ignorant are hereafter struck dumb.
Since the book has really just been released, I wonder if Sebastian and Tim yet realize the importance of their consequential contribution. As alive as the book is, I can barely imagine all that Tim's (no doubt) indelible footage will impart. My hope is that people who don't normally gravitate towards war as a subject will be curious enough to see the documentary. If they do, I can't imagine they won't come to care for these soldiers the way that we have come to. I have no personal connection to any of them, but find myself feeling incredibly protective of them. I want the public to feel that. I want Americans to understand that these men are not ants or yes-men or machines; they are flesh and blood humans, acute tactical thinkers, and seem to have a far greater autonomy in the field than I would have imagined.
I hope the soldiers in the book (and their families) understand how much they've contributed to history. Even beyond the historical impact, I believe the story these men have lived creates a profoundly personal and deepened appreciation for life for anyone coming into contact with this material.
I'm so grateful to Sebastian and Clay for setting up this site. If any soldier from any time period can wander in here and see that times have changed, the support is there, and know that if they weren't welcomed home after their service, they are certainly appreciated in this age. I'm hoping - and believing - that America has learned her lesson in that regard.
So enough rambling. I'm just infinitely happy to be among such kind and intelligent minds!!
Katarina
Comment
© 2013 Created by Clay.
Powered by
You need to be a member of Sebastian Junger's Community to add comments!
Join Sebastian Junger's Community