War: The Lumbering Guest On Our Sofa

It's summer, and I've been caught in a whirlwind of work. But the season demands a break now and then. The yard is green, the flowers in bloom. It's not so hot the sun
has killed everything yet, nor have Santa Ana winds delivered the
additional punch to parch and usher in fires. No, this is early summer
--a happy time to be outside. The agapanthus are blooming. The purple
puffs of color bouncing in the slight breeze. The draping boughs of the
large Chinese elm frame the view of the hill abroad as if it were a
sentimental portrait of a time gone by.

The kids... they're not kids anymore. One is a teen, the other an adult. They're our loves, our
delights, our concern and sometimes our annoyance. The other day they
renamed our cat "Phil." I don't think he looks like a Phil, and so I
cringe each time they say it. I think it's unfair to rename a cat,
however, the feline creature never asked for the name Panda, either.

War is still a daily thought. An unsettling thought to most. War is like a large, lumbering, unwanted family member, who comes to take a permanent seat on our sofa. War doesn't say much, and so most times we can ignore him. We have a lot of time to study War, however, we spend more time doing other things. However, when I do
pause to stare at the wheezing, shifting, luminous presence of War,
I take in the trinkets falling from his pockets: loss, despair,
victory, and love. Grief, exhilaration, sorrow, bravery, and fear.
Pride, sadness, acceptance, death, and irony. Brilliance, stupidity,
vulnerability, wisdom, and yes --even gratitude.

And it's this last thing that often amazes others --even me. Because the truth is, when War shows up it forces me to slow down, realize how very lucky I am. Lucky because I have a husband who is doing good works saving lives, bringing comfort to many. We're lucky because we have two kids who are able rename our cat "Phil." And fortunate just to be here --looking at the agapanthus in bloom. Thankful that we can keep going on in the bigger military family. We are, after all, strongest when we stay in this together.

Me. Army wife. Grateful. Happy. Focused. Living with purpose.

Comment by Clare Rosalind Harrison on June 22, 2010 at 10:20pm: Hello kanani....
I enjoyed your meandering through your different vulnerable emotions...It was quite revealing about your attitudes and the healthy acceptance of what you can change and what "trinkets" you might want to keep in the treasure box until such time....I have gone through the different discussions and seen your views..I am impressed because you have held on to your individuality and that is not easy when loved ones are far away with a death threat hanging over their heads and neck....you have chosen really awesome qualities...wisdom, gratitude, focused, living with a purpose....you have managed to humble me....my grandmother used to say that you have to be grateful for evey little thing and as I join the upper digits...I become more aware of what is really important...it is not the amount of time but the quality...not the small stuff like keeping the toilet seat down but the fact that you have someone keeping up the seat....Priorities change dramatically when death stares you in the face and you have choices..making the right one should not be much of an effort....there is no fear in pure love....no shame...
I am so glad you are here...thank you..Have a great night..so long Clare

Comment by Kanani Fong on June 22, 2010 at 11:53pm: Dear Clare,
Thank you for your kind comments. I have to admit. No matter how grateful for the small things, a toilet seat left up really annoys me. I'm not perfect! Other things that really bother me: someone not cleaning up the microwave, dishes left on the counter, not being able to find my eye glasses and only finding on shoe. On any given day, one or a combination of these will occur, and I have been known to curse, and make threats to the shoe trolls.

But... to move to what you were saying about choosing wisdom. I think all of this really does come with age. My perspective of being an Army wife if I were 25 years younger and had small children to raise while my husband was at war would undoubtably be different. So many military wives do just this --day in and day out. They live with uncertainty, and it isn't easy. I constantly marvel at the sisterhood I see between young Army mothers, the friendships can be true and deep. In addition, I look at the Gold Star wives, who must endure one of the greatest heartaches of their young lives. I am humbled by them!

One thing for sure, we all gotta keep going, so might as well try to encourage one another.

Comment by Clare Rosalind Harrison on June 24, 2010 at 11:34am: Hello Kanani...
How are you this Thursday? I am good...putting away my laundry and grocery shopping is my list today...whichever comes first....
I hear what you say about the toilet...LOL...it was just one of those things that always made me freak out especially late at night when the lights are off and everything is by feel..then suddenly...plop...not kewl at all....but that is not a problem for me now....LOL...
Yes.....WE ARe in this thing together...United we stand..Divided...>>we are here to encourage each other...and I...I have been richly blessed by folks such as you who share from the heart and kidneys....I am becoming addicted looking for new posts and comments....but I am home mostly so...when I am okay this is a second resting place besides my bed....
You have a wonderful day Kanani....take good care of yourself..sending warm hugs...so long for now..Clare

Comment by Clare Rosalind Harrison on August 4, 2010 at 4:26am: We are, after all, strongest when we stay in this together.
Hello Kanani....
Are you back home yet? I think of you often especially when I am here....I hope you are doing great and you have been enjoying your vacation and life this far...my thoughts are the best for you and yours....stay strong.....One thing for sure, we all gotta keep going, so might as well try to encourage one another. I quoted you.... hugs..So long Kanani..your friend Clare

War: The Lumbering Guest On Our Sofa

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